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“And then I turned 31”

1:00pm Monday, 8th March 2010

Ruth Barry

When I was 8 years old, I mapped out my plan for life.
I was going to finish school, go to Sydney Girls High School, and then do an Arts degree at UNSW. Whilst studying at university —English, history and music—I would meet a lovely Christian man, who was also doing an Arts degree. We would marry at the end of our degrees. We would both be teachers for a while, then he would go onto Moore College to train to be a minister. We would have six children—three girls and three boys after college—and I would stop working and spend all my days looking after them. The end.
That was my plan. That was it.
I did finish school. I did go to SGHS. I did do an Arts degree in English and history, with a year of music as well. I did go onto do a diploma of education. I did marry a minister.
I met my husband at high school not university. He did a science degree not an Arts degree. We married at the end of second year university, not after we had completed our degrees. We had a handful of boys—well, four—and then one girl, and it is unlikely we will have any more children. I never taught in a school, but continued as a piano, trumpet and music teacher for preschool age children. We had children during our time at Moore College.
So, with some slight aberrations, things basically went according to the plans I had made as an eight year old.
Then, I turned 31. I found myself increasingly dissatisfied with my plan.It took me a while to understand the problem—my plan had no chapter after having young children at home. It didn’t have a ‘what next’ section.
My plan was limited, and I was limited by following this plan. I felt like I had no identity anymore. I realised that my plan revolved around good things—marriage, ministry, children—but not around the best thing, God.
Although there was lots of ‘Christian’ elements in my plans, and what I desired were wonderful gifts from God, I had tried to understand my identity through what I was doing, not who I was.
I needed to see myself as God’s child. That is who I am. I am His, I am forgiven, I am made in His image, I am redeemed ...
My plans as an 8 yr old were totally flawed, because life continues, and I had never thought about it past a certain point.
I have since then come to understand that if I start with the mindset that I am primarily God’s child, then everything else in my life falls into perspective, and into place.
So, yes, I am a mother. That’s great ... but I wont be a mother of young children forever—that is just the wonderful role God has given me at this time in my life; - and because of my relationship with God, I want to do my best at living that phase for Him: teaching, loving, rumbling, feeding, caring for those precious little ones He has so blessed me with. But this is a stage.
I am a wife, but if I only see my identity as a wife, then if anything ever happened to my husband then I would no longer know who I was. I am first a child of God, and for this time, and hopefully the rest of my life, I will get to enjoy being a wife too.
And when the kids leave home, or when I grow old, or whatever future I have, the dependable truth is that I am God’s child. I will try and live with whatever phases of life God gives me, and be thankful for them.
This has revolutionized my thinking. I live for God. I live for His plans. I don’t worry about “what next”, because God is in control of that. And I live with great thankfulness for each wonderful gift or phase God has given me.